July 26, 2011 by Heather
Listen, ya’ll. I sweat like a giant fat hairy man. It is so true. Especially in this Arkansas heat I am in right now, my goodness. The humidity is out to get me, and I think it just might win. I have had very visible sweat spots on my shirt/shorts everyday I’ve been here. My back turns into a slip-n-slide and the little sweat beads run down down down until they get stuck in my gluteal fold and just hang out there for a while until A) my shorts soak it up, or B) they make the long, sloping journey down the back of my leg. I am not making this up, people. I have a major sweat problem. Always have. Luckily, I finally found a deodorant that worked right around the time I was a junior in college. Unscented Secret, that stuff works.
Unfortunately, it’s looking like I need to rub down my entire body with Unscented Secret Antiperspirant. I am tired of standing up after sitting for a while and having little (but still visible) horizontal sweat lines across the abdomen region of my blouse from my roll sweat. Yes, roll sweat. It is a very real thing.
Enough about my sweat issues. I ate so much food tonight that my stomach is kind of hurting. And I keep burping up roasted brussels sprouts taste all in my mouth. It isn’t really all that pleasant.
On that note, I am gonna take my bloated, sweaty old man self to the shower and then go lay in bed under a fan with my new and fabulous copy of next month’s Vogue. Sarah Jessica Parker, I love you. Also, can we please be friends.
Thank you for coming to the show tonight, I’ll be here all week.