Things that are gross.


July 26, 2011 by Heather

Listen, ya’ll.  I sweat like a giant fat hairy man.  It is so true.  Especially in this Arkansas heat I am in right now, my goodness.  The humidity is out to get me, and I think it just might win.  I have had very visible sweat spots on my shirt/shorts everyday I’ve been here.  My back turns into a slip-n-slide and the little sweat beads run down down down until they get stuck in my gluteal fold and just hang out there for a while until A) my shorts soak it up, or B) they make the long, sloping journey down the back of my leg.  I am not making this up, people.  I have a major sweat problem.  Always have.  Luckily, I finally found a deodorant that worked right around the time I was a junior in college.  Unscented Secret, that stuff works.

Unfortunately, it’s looking like I need to rub down my entire body with Unscented Secret Antiperspirant.  I am tired of standing up after sitting for a while and having little (but still visible) horizontal sweat lines across the abdomen region of my blouse from my roll sweat.  Yes, roll sweat.  It is a very real thing.

Enough about my sweat issues.  I ate so much food tonight that my stomach is kind of hurting.  And I keep burping up roasted brussels sprouts taste all in my mouth.  It isn’t really all that pleasant.

On that note, I am gonna take my bloated, sweaty old man self to the shower and then go lay in bed under a fan with my new and fabulous copy of next month’s Vogue.  Sarah Jessica Parker, I love you.  Also, can we please be friends.

Thank you for coming to the show tonight, I’ll be here all week.


One thought on “Things that are gross.

  1. Katy Jane says:

    I sweat really bad, too. Leg sweat in the worse. Next is back sweat. And I use unscented deodorant, but sometimes that doesn’t even work. When I work out, it’s like I just took a shower.

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