Things that are gross.

1

July 26, 2011 by Heather

Listen, ya’ll.  I sweat like a giant fat hairy man.  It is so true.  Especially in this Arkansas heat I am in right now, my goodness.  The humidity is out to get me, and I think it just might win.  I have had very visible sweat spots on my shirt/shorts everyday I’ve been here.  My back turns into a slip-n-slide and the little sweat beads run down down down until they get stuck in my gluteal fold and just hang out there for a while until A) my shorts soak it up, or B) they make the long, sloping journey down the back of my leg.  I am not making this up, people.  I have a major sweat problem.  Always have.  Luckily, I finally found a deodorant that worked right around the time I was a junior in college.  Unscented Secret, that stuff works.

Unfortunately, it’s looking like I need to rub down my entire body with Unscented Secret Antiperspirant.  I am tired of standing up after sitting for a while and having little (but still visible) horizontal sweat lines across the abdomen region of my blouse from my roll sweat.  Yes, roll sweat.  It is a very real thing.

Enough about my sweat issues.  I ate so much food tonight that my stomach is kind of hurting.  And I keep burping up roasted brussels sprouts taste all in my mouth.  It isn’t really all that pleasant.

On that note, I am gonna take my bloated, sweaty old man self to the shower and then go lay in bed under a fan with my new and fabulous copy of next month’s Vogue.  Sarah Jessica Parker, I love you.  Also, can we please be friends.

Thank you for coming to the show tonight, I’ll be here all week.

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One thought on “Things that are gross.

  1. Katy Jane says:

    I sweat really bad, too. Leg sweat in the worse. Next is back sweat. And I use unscented deodorant, but sometimes that doesn’t even work. When I work out, it’s like I just took a shower.

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