colorado: a three month review


August 10, 2011 by Heather

As of yesterday, we have been here for three months.  Andrew & I were discussing this last night and both agreed that it had not, thus far, been the fairytale we had pictured in our heads.  Sure, we knew it was going to be hard.  We wanted a challenge, an adventure.  That was the whole reason for the relocation, to get out of our comfort zone.  We said we knew it would be difficult, but I don’t think we really meant it.  I believe (and maybe Andrew feels differently, I don’t know) that we secretly thought we would get out here and everything would fall into place, painlessly and effortlessly.  Sort of like in a movie, where the main character moves off and has a fresh start and it is all rainbows and blue jello jigglers. Unfortunately (or, fortunately, who knows), it has been more like rain clouds and chicken liver.

I would break it down month-by-month, but that seems like too much thought for a Wednesday.  I think I’ll just hit the high (and low) notes.

We weren’t expecting our apartment to be so… small.  We knew it was a studio apartment, and we had seen photographs of it, but dang.  It really took some getting used to.  Luckily, we have adjusted to it pretty well.  It is frustrating at times, and at other times it’s fun.  It is certainly an adventure.

I got a job on our second day here.  More on that later.

We joined a gym.  We love it.  Definitely a high point, and quite honestly one of my favorite parts about this town.  Ha.

We had dinner with a couple from my work and really hit it off.  It was nice to feel like we had friends!

While I was working at my new job, Andrew was playing the role of Mr. Homemaker and doing quite well!  He would spend his days riding his bike, keeping the apartment clean, taking care of the pets, and looking for jobs.  He was getting restless, though.

But then he got a job!  Boy, do I miss the free milk and yogurt.  Haha.  It was unlike anything he’d ever done before.

We went out for a night on the town to celebrate my first payday and both of us being employed.

We began to settle into somewhat of a routine, which was nice.  Hannah and Matt decided to plan a trip to come see us, so that really gave us something to look forward to.  (come baaaack!!!!!)

I had a one month job review at work, which was rather awful.  More on that later.  I didn’t dish about it on here, because I didn’t think it would end up the way it did.

Toward the end of June, Hannah and Matt came to visit!  They flew in for a weekend and it was so wonderful to have them here.  And then, for some reason, they had to leave.

I went to cycling class that night and cried my eyeballs out.  I hoped the people on the surrounding bikes thought it was sweat.  Eye sweat.

The very next day, a Tuesday, I was fired from my job.

Pause for reaction.

Since I’d never been fired before, and since I truly thought I was doing a good job, and since it was the only job I’ve ever really liked, it was quite a blow.

I tried to figure out my next move.  Andrew continued working hard at the dairy farm and being majorly handsome.

He also kept applying to various jobs, mostly at the area colleges.  He kept getting no-go emails.  People here.  What is their deal.  Come on, folks.

Independence Day came and went.  We celebrated by climbing a mountain.

I spent my days being angry about getting fired and looking for jobs.  It was so pleasant.  Somewhere around this time, we both applied for the same job at a hospital.  Me, being the dummy that I am, forgot to add a cover letter.  Andrew remembered to add a cover letter.  Andrew got the job.  Let this be a lesson to us all.

My mommy came to visit!!!!  She and Eric were here for an entire week.  We did all sorts of fun stuff.  It was really great to have them here.  Really made me miss home, though.

I seem to have a problem letting go of things.  My self esteem continued in somewhat of a downward spiral regarding the whole job thing.  The fog refused to lift.

Luckily, I didn’t have to say goodbye to Mom right then and there.  Unluckily, that meant being in a car for 17 hours on the way home.  When we rolled into Arkansas super late that night, it was like part of my soul was restored.  I know that sounds overly dramatic, but it is the truth.  I was home, and for a while the job search could take a break.  I spent a weekend with some dear friends as we watched one of our own get married.  It was so special.  We stayed up until 4am and laughed and talked and cried.  Like I said, total soul restoration.

I spent the next week at Mom’s house.  We were  sneaky snakes and threw Hannah a surprise baby shower for little Harper Jane.  It was perfect.  We are good liars.  The rest of the week was spent catching up with everyone and sweating (darn you, Arkansas humidity).  I went golfing with my handsome little brother, ate dinner at Dad’s, baked pie with Hannah, lunched with friends, went running with Mom and cooked her dinner, watched cable.  It was a really great week.  I felt a twinge of sadness everyday I was there, though, because I knew I’d have to leave.

I came back to Colorado, and to Andrew, who I had missed super duper bad.

An update on the present:  Andrew is on week three of his new job.  He is still in the training process and is doing really well.  So well, in fact, that the guy training him has recommended him for a more challenging position.  He never ceases to amaze me.  Andrew, that is, not the guy training him.  That would be weird.  Today he is working a 12-hour shift (6:30am until 7:30pm).  His attitude regarding that is,  “Oh yay!  More hours!”  We are very different, haha.

Since being fired, I have probably applied for close to 30 jobs.  Everything from housekeeping to hospitals to hobby lobby.  I do a lot of reading and cleaning, when I’m not filling out job applications.  I try to stay hopeful, but there are a lot of times when the non-hopeful side wins and I find myself bawling my eyes out a few times a day.

I went off my birth control last month (not for that reason, you crazy people, I just got tired of keeping up with it), and so my hormones are through the roof as they adjust to not being controlled.  I would say that I feel like I’m on the brink of depression, but that seems like a bit much.  Really though, I’m not in a good place right now, emotionally.  Plus my face is breaking out like crazy from not being on the pill, and I really hate it.  I am praying and reading my Bible and trying to meditate on verses like Romans 12:12, “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer,”  but somedays it is just hard.  I turn on my happy face when Andrew gets home because he is working so hard and doesn’t deserve to have a moody, emotionally unstable wife to come home to.  I love our evenings together.  We’ll workout, take Mayfield for a walk, make dinner, eat, and watch a few episodes of whatever show we happened to be obsessed with that week.  Or we’ll read and do laundry.  Try not to spend money, haha.  Ugh, I need to find a job.

Like I said, it hasn’t exactly been the fairytale we were hoping for.

However, it has been an adventure, which is what we wanted.  And maybe what we needed.  Right now, though, it kind of sucks.

Happy Humpday, humpers.


One thought on “colorado: a three month review

  1. Linda Smith says:

    Trust me……. one day you will look back on this season of your life…… and it will have been a fairytale. Trust me. God doesn’t have you there to get you down (although sometimes that is part of the process of learning to depend on Him rather than ourselves) – this I know as well – He has you there for a reason. And it’s up to you to find out what that reason is. I love you. I love Andrew. I love May. I love D. I LOVE your apartment (sorry for the emphasis, but remember I still have to clean a hugemongous house.) You didn’t ask for advice, but as your mother I feel obligated. Tune me out if you must, but remember that a lot of what you tuned out growing up you are discovering how much you really heard. When I am at my lowest, I do 3 things. Tell God. Stay busy. Look around and get my eyes off of myself and go meet someone else’s need. God has us here for SOME reason. There are really desperate people (for me it’s usually the kids I teach at school) in this world and God can use you to help them get through life. You have sooooo much to offer, Heather. I love you.

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