a neighborly note

Leave a comment

January 19, 2012 by Heather

Dear person who lives nearby with all the barking dogs,

I have tried to sugar coat the situation by telling myself that it’s just like living in Lady and the Tramp.  The fact remains, however, that this is not a Disney movie.  Your enormous amount of dogs are out of control and you need to corral them and have a real heart to heart about why they need to shut the heck up.  Here are a couple reasons for you: 1) It drives Mayfield crazy and makes her bark, which is fairly annoying and could be completely stopped if your dogs would put a cork in it.  2)  I am pregnant, and I have enough raging hormones that I wouldn’t put it past me if I get so fed up with your loud pets that I walk outside, climb your fence, and squirt all of them in the face with a nerf water gun while yelling, “TAKE IT YOU NOISY MUTTS, TAKE IT.”

Also, is that your wiener dog  that bounces around the street, unleashed?  I am worried he is going to try to hump my innocent, virginal poodle.  His man-ary glands practically drag the ground, which is pretty gross.  Almost every time I take Mayfield out to potty – on a leash like a polite and responsible pet owner – here comes what I presume to be your dog… strutting about and sniffing my sweet petunia puppy.  I took pity on him yesterday when he was hanging out by our trash.  But now I am thisclose to being annoyed by his low hanging boy-dog parts and his little dog syndrome.  If his regions ever happen to touch my dog, watch out.  That wiener’s wiener will not be coming around here anymore.

Sincerely,

Mayfield’s mother/guardian of her purity

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Greetings.

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

My Gravatar, which I’m not sure exactly what that even is.

%d bloggers like this: