warning: flying hormones ahead

14

January 23, 2012 by Heather

Good weekend.

I cried three times.

Cry #1:
Happened in the kitchen Saturday morning.  Friday night we went to dinner with our friends, Katie & Casey.  Afterward, we went to Target and did a speedy baby registry (speedy as in they closed in an hour).  It was fun, picking out sweet little baby boy things and trying to decide which this and which that.  That night I got very little sleep.  A) because I couldn’t stop thinking about the things we picked out – “Did we choose the right stuff?  I have no idea how to wash a bottle.  Was it just me or did Andrew seem a little freaked out about all of it?  Why did I register for the generic wipes?  Oh no, we didn’t pick out a bathtub.”  And B) because the little nugget child within kicked ALL NIGHT LONG.  Actually it was kicking and rolling.  The rolling makes me very nauseous.

So, Saturday morning I woke up sick to my stomach because of his constant movement and because I was so very nervous about this whole motherhood/parenting thing.  And I was upset that Andrew had to work.  After breakfast, I opened the little registry packet they gave us at Target.  Inside was a sample of a newborn diaper from Huggies and all kinds of other coupons for baby things.  And my hormones surged and I started boo-hooing.  I’m talking ugly crying, with chest-heaving sobs and everything.  I tried to call my sister but she did not answer in my time of need.  I see how it is, Hannah.  No biggie.  I eventually calmed down after I realized the pets were staring at me, afraid.  Then it started back up as soon as I walked by a mirror and saw my roundness and my slouchy pajamas and my gross hair.  It was a really beautiful morning.

Cry #2:
Happened Sunday at church.  For Sanctity of Life Day, they showed a video before the preacher came up and did his thing.  It was one of those “miracle of life” videos that showed a baby in all of its stages in the womb and has quotes about what is happening during certain weeks.  About 10 seconds into it a quote came on the screen that said something about how as soon as a baby is conceived it has DNA that no one else in the world will ever have.  And it showed a teensy tiny heart beating.  ……And I lost it.  I mean lost it.  Thank goodness I had a travel pack of tissues in my purse.  I don’t think I would have been so emotional (psh who am I kidding) if I hadn’t been so stressed out about all things pregnancy related for the past few days.  My hair is thinner than ever, I am worried I’ll get postpartum depression, I am so nervous about actually having a baby outside of the womb to take care of, and I had gotten super annoyed that morning when I realized the only pants that fit were my one pair of maternity jeans and leggings.  “I can’t wear JEANS to church!!!”  Turns out everyone there wears jeans to church.

So the cheesy video made me realize that I should be focusing on only one emotion regarding being pregnant: thankfulness.  And I am.  I am so, so thankful.  I also feel bad for possibly frightening the special needs young lady sitting next to me in church yesterday.  After I reached for my kleenex, she scooted a chair down.  Maybe she thought I needed some space.

Cry #3:
Happened last night and I am kind of embarrassed to write about it for some reason.  Here it is in a nutshell, and maybe someone reading this can relate, who knows.  I am not working right now, as in, I am not employed and bringing home a paycheck.  It is horrible to say, but I feel like I am worth more to Andrew if I am helping out with things financially.  He gets frustrated when I say that and swears it’s a huge lie I made up in my weird brain.

The thing is, I am six months pregnant and it shows.  Also, we have planned on me staying at home for an indefinite amount of time once the babe surfaces.  I would feel absolutely ridiculous walking into a place with this belly and asking for a job application or handing them my resume, knowing it would just be for a few months.  I know employers cannot legally discriminate against pregnant women, but you know they do.  And the thing is, I like doing things around the house.  I am not good at jobs.  They stress me out and I get very little satisfaction from them, except for getting paid.  I told Andrew last night that I now understand why stay at home moms do things like Scentsy and Arbonne and what have you.  It’s because they feel like this.

So I gave into the hormones once again and ugly cried as we laid there in bed.  I told Andrew I felt worthless, which I now know is a ridiculous thing to say, given that I’m growing a human and all.  I ended up moving to the couch in the living room because my back was hurting.  Seconds later, here came Andrew with the down comforter and his pillow.  He slept in the floor next to the couch to make sure I didn’t cry anymore (his words).  Bless his tall dark handsome heart.

———————–

There were lots of laughs this weekend too, the biggest one being when Andrew & I were discussing things we want to do after the baby gets here.  We were talking about how I am looking forward to running again, and I said I didn’t know how long it would take me to recover after having the baby.  There is a good chance that I’ll have to have a C-section, maybe even as early as 35 weeks.  So I said that I know it takes a lot longer sometimes to get over a C-section since it’s a big surgery and all.  To this, Andrew replied, “Oh you’ll recover fast.  You’re built for pregnancy.”

Thank you, honey.  🙂

 

 

 

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14 thoughts on “warning: flying hormones ahead

  1. flamingomama says:

    Ok, we must still be attached at the umbilical cord because I ALSO CRIED ALL WEEKEND!!!!! For various, unimportant, selfish reasons. So, if it makes you feel better, your blog today helps me get a better perspective. I am so proud of you and Andrew and SOON TO APPEAR, Baby Watson. I love you all so much. Thank God for tears. Without them we would just be ugly. I’m convinced tears are God’s way of washing all that away from us so we are forced to look to Him and not ourselves or anyone else! I love you baby.

    • I just got a rather gross mental picture of us still being attached by an umbilical cord. And yes, I edited your comment and took out his name. Sorry. Still keeping it a semi-secret. I love you mama!!

  2. Mrs. Baker says:

    Heather, first off I want to tell you that I really enjoy reading your blog. It actually inspired me to start my own. For some reason it makes me feel better to get my feelings out there whether people read them or not. lol That being said, this post really hit home with me. I am currently pregnant and unemployed as well. It. Is. Tough. I feel so useless at times. My husband also reassures me that he doesn’t mind working while I stay at home with the kids, but I do mind. I’d love to be able to help out financially, but like you, I’m not a fan of walking into a place asking for a job with an obvious baby bump, pregnancy acne, and all that mess. Then having to tell them I’ll need off for doctors appts and then maternity leave. If I were them I’d probably laugh in my face. Not only that, daycare costs are OUTRAGEOUS. I’d end up working all week just to pay for someone else to watch my kids while I was at work. Not cool. Anyway, I’m sure none of this helps you in any way lol, but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I’m not sure what the solution is, but like you said, we should be focusing on being thankful for the gift of children, and know that with the good Lord on our side, everything will turn out just the way it’s suppose to.

  3. Lauren says:

    Hey, Heather!

    I know we haven’t really seen each other since Siloam several summers ago, but I just wanted to tell you that how you are feeling is TOTALLY normal (for this time of your life). Trust me! All the things you’ve worried about are worthy of worry, and the crying is normal. If you have any questions about registries, I’d be happy to help! Also, I’d be happy to share my long, drawn-out birth story that ended in csection with you if you want. I actually healed very quickly and with minimal pain. God is in control! Praying for you! Let me know if you need anything! I’m of on maternity leave so we could always meet up.

    • Thank you thank you thank you. It is very reassuring to hear that I’m not being too irrational, haha. That makes me feel much better. Perhaps you’re also “built for pregnancy?” Pah. Where are you and Daniel living?

  4. Hannah J. says:

    Heather. I am already emotional today and now I am at work crying. Mainly because Andrew is so sweet. 🙂

  5. flamingomama says:

    I agree with Hannah.

  6. I can relate! I love staying at home and I know that’s what the Lord wants me to do…no other job seemed to fit me (if that makes sense). Anyway, there are numerous times I feel useless…especially if there’s a month we may struggle financially..knowing I could easily get a job and help out and when I fill out any kind of paperwork and it asks for employment or someone asks me what I majored in at college and what I’m doing with that now…ugh! I hate that question…but Justin is very supportive of me staying at home..in fact he wants me to. I don’t feel as useless when I have a two year old to take care of everyday…and another one on the way…it will be work! I’m so glad you will get to stay home for some time with the baby…you will never regret that. And just a side note….I experienced the whole post partum depression thing…not fun! So, if you ever need some advice/someone to talk to if you experience it..which I hope you don’t…I’ll be here!

  7. Like everyone has said, the hormonal crying is COMPLETELY normal. When my mom was pregnant she went to the freezer one night only to find it without ice cream and sat in the floor and cried for half an hour. I cried over EVERYTHING, and it was worse for the first three weeks of David’s life, but it wasn’t Post-Pardum Depression…just my hormones trying to go back to normal from having a baby. They call that “Baby Blues” and you go with Baptist the WONDERFUL nurses there will explain it all to you as you’re there. I had a Cesarean (and it wasn’t planned…a complete surprise) so if you have any questions I’d be happy to share.

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