April 27, 2012 by Heather
I interrupt your previously scheduled
broadcast blog post to bring you something new and amazing and wonderful. No, it’s not me in a sequin leotard. It is a guest post by my sister, Hannah.
Here she is:
I asked her a while back if she’d write up a little something for muh blog, and she humbly obliged.
Let’s see what she has to say…
Hello. I’m Hannah, the younger of the famous Martin sisters. Actually, we aren’t famous, but for some reason that seemed like a good intro. It is currently 5 a.m. and I’ve just let my 6-month-old wonderful girl of a child suck my boob for all it’s worth. Man, my introduction choices are certainly interesting.
First of all, my sister is one of the best writers in the land, so please do not even try to compare my writing with hers. She will win the shiny, plastic trophy with her name probably misspelled in faint black letters. I’m just honored she asked me to grace her blog with my presence.**
If someone had told me two years ago that I would be wide awake at 5 a.m., hair as oily as ever, in a sexy stark white nursing tank top, having just allowed a small human to suck milk out of my lady lumps, I would not have recognized my future self–Also, for some reason I am craving coffee creamer. Hello, I am a mother, hot off the press. If no one has recommended it to you, let me be the first to give motherhood the highest of ratings. It is something I always knew I wanted to experience but could never actually imagine myself doing. I would see pregnant girls everywhere and always think that it would never be me. It just seemed so untouchable.
I knew I liked to nurture things. I practiced all the time with my cat. I knew my precious husband first caught the baby bug when he was 11 years old. Oddly, that’s true. I knew that I would adopt someday, even if I actually birthed some children of my own, because being a mother doesn’t just mean you carried that child to term inside of you. I knew it was possible that I would be a good mom. My own mom was a fantastic mother, so surely I was blessed with those genes somewhere, right? Let me just say that I have never understood so deeply how much my mom loves me. It is the most moving revelation I’ve had since becoming a pro-creator.
Things no one tells you about motherhood:
- In the very early days you will forget to eat. It’s just going to happen.
- You will also forget to brush your teeth for an undisclosed amount of mornings.
- You will crave the strangest things, especially during the night. My cravings did not end after pregnancy. Straight up coffee creamer anyone?
- You will still eat like you are pregnant, mainly if you are breastfeeding, and that’s okay. Eat those carbs, you need an extra 500 calories a day than that skinny girl who has never birthed anything in her life.
- You will never be so excited to find a substantial nursing bra section in Target.
- If you are not able to breastfeed, don’t beat yourself up. You understand this statement if you are a mother.
- Still let your baby nurse, even just for the heck of it, because it is just the sweetest thing. And trust me, I too imagined a baby sucking my boob as creepy before I had one.
- The usage of the verb “nursing” will make you picture yourself in full nurse attire taking someone’s blood pressure or something.
- Two hours have never gone by so quickly.
- You will never appreciate someone else cooking for you as much as you will during the first month with a newborn.
- Breast milk is quite sweet. But don’t try it; it will make you gag.
- I take that back, do try it, just so you can say that you did. Also, squirt your husband in the face with it.
- Your milk production is fickle. Don’t give up.
- Your cat will rub every single part of its body on your child’s Bumbo seat. I don’t know why.
- You will find yourself saying the dreaded words that you swore you would never say, “Where has the time gone?!” or “He/She is growing up so fast!”
- You will discover your true self at 2 a.m. Unfortunately, my true self is not as delightful as I thought.
- After one of those 2 a.m. moody explosions you will cry on the toilet and feel like the worst mother there ever was. Not that I have ever experienced that, of course.
- Let’s end on a positive one, shall we? You will never love your husband, mom, dad, sister, brother, grandparents, cat, dog, or that precious little turtle dead in the middle of the road more. Because being a parent does that to you. You appreciate more, love deeper, and smile until your face literally aches.
Thank you for your time. And please, go practice your maternal instincts on something.
**By this, she is obviously trying to make up for all those times she hit me when we were children. Not working, Hannah.
happy weekend, suckas.
Tomorrow: 38 week update.