June 15, 2012 by Heather
The following words: tang, flagrant, moist, crisp, breast, chicken sausage, plain yogurt, Jennifer Lopez, and tit.
Commercials that portray over-the-top happiness. So basically every single commercial that comes on during morning talk shows that are geared towards women. There is this one Bounty Paper Towel commercial where this lady is standing in the kitchen in her unwrinkled pajamas and she spills coffee while pouring it. It runs all down the sides of her mug and coffee pot and gets on the counter. Then the crazy dog runs in and gets mud all over the floor. Then she squirts a sticky puddle of honey onto the counter (come on lady, aim much?). All the while, she is just laughing and smiling and having the best morning of her life. If I spilled coffee, dripped honey everywhere, and Mayfield got mud all over the floor, I’d be pissed. Let’s get real, Bounty.
I also can’t stand the commercial for Great Grains cereal. It has these country club women walking through this field of what appears to be grains. Great grains, I’m guessing. One lady even has a sweater tied around her shoulders. At the end, another lady is leaning up against a fence post with her bowl of cereal. She takes a bite and before swallowing proudly exclaims, “Mmm, Great Grains.” You can tell she has cereal in her mouth and it is really gross.
I’d like to see a commercial where a starving, breastfeeding new mom is up at 3am in a dark kitchen after a feeding and is inhaling a giant bowl of Great Grains with her throbbing, lanolin-coated nipples hanging out of her tank top and her hair standing on end. Then she spills the bowl of cereal on the floor and just stands there in her zombie state, muttering a few curse words. She reaches for the roll of paper towels – cheap ones, not Bounty (who can afford them?) – and tries to tear one off with the flick of a wrist. It doesn’t work and instead half the roll comes unwinding out. She says, “Screw you, Great Grains,” and goes to bed.