the pants party


September 7, 2012 by Heather

Before our hot date the other night, I was feeling overly confident and asked Andrew to please retrieve the box from the storage room that held all of my pre-pregnancy pants.  I thought, surely I can at least fit into the ones that were way too big for me before I was pregnant.  I’d been eating healthy, going on walks, and breastfeeding like a machine.  Of COURSE my old pants would slide over my child-bearing hips with the greatest of ease.  Lots of my new-mama-Facebook-friends had posted about how their pre-pregnancy jeans fit, so why shouldn’t mine?

How very wrong I was.  It was like trying to put a toddler’s sock on an elephant’s trunk.  Or slide one of those rubber pencil grip thingys onto a telephone pole.  I might as well have tried on Parker’s newborn jeans.  My once-baggy pants barely made it past my knees.  My KNEES.  Nevermind getting them to zip and then button, PAH.

In an attempt to avoid a meltdown and still feel hot and sexy for our date, I peeled off the %&$# pants and quickly grabbed my maternity skinny jeans.  They fit, but there was so much spilling out over the top that I had to remedy it with my wonderful control top mom briefs.  (Question:  where does all the stuff go that they suck in?  One of life’s greatest mysteries.)

I stepped on a scale yesterday for the first time in two months and discovered that I in fact had not lost as much as I’d convinced myself I’d lost (not even close), which was more than a little disheartening.  Because even though the weight is a result of my sweet little boy who I wouldn’t trade anything for, I am ready to feel like myself again.  The extra weight, the crazy hair loss, the funky hormone-induced pimples and bodily secretions and emotions… it’s enough to make anyone feel like a ginormous hot mess.

Finding the right time during the day to exercise has proven to be rather difficult.  Maybe there isn’t a “right” time.  I used to be able to do a workout dvd during Parker’s naps, but now his napping is kind of all over the place and I never know how long it will last.  I sweat like a man-pig, so I really like to shower right after I exercise so that his next meal isn’t covered in nasty sweat.  There’s only so much freshening a baby wipe can do, if you know what I mean.

If I want to run, well, I better just have fed him or pumped or else my chest makes it pretty impossible to run without looking and feeling like a human earthquake.  I miss running so much.  Maybe I just need a tighter bra.  Plus Andrew likes to run right after he gets off work, so we have to time it just right in the evenings if we both want to do something.  And now three nights a week I have cheerleading practice to be at (I’m the sponsor), which happens to fall during the time I usually do my workout.

Yesterday, in the midst of me trying to keep my cool and not have a vanity-induced pity party, I found this article about losing weight while breastfeeding.  It was very helpful and sort of talked me down off my I’m-So-Fat ledge.  I saved it as an icon on my phone so I can read it whenever I am feeling, well, fat.

“Remember that breastfeeding provides your little one with a wonderful nutritional start to life as well as creating lifelong bonding between the two of you. That is something much more important than a number on a scale and provides a wonderful value that is worth the price of a changing body. Don’t give up in frustration. Stay focused on what you are doing right and trust that your body will respond as it should to nourish your baby and yourself.”

My sister has recently informed me that she is tired of hearing me complain about my lingering weight gain.  So, for the rest of you who feel that way, I apologize.  BUT I can promise you that all the other new moms out there are thinking about it just as much as I am, they just aren’t being as vocal and whiny.  Pudgy Moms Unite!

Just pretty please don’t say what I keep hearing:  “It took a while to put it on, and it’s gonna take a while for it to come off.”

If I hear one more person say that….. well, I might just hit them in the face with my mom-spanx.

Ain’t that the truth.




7 thoughts on “the pants party

  1. I know EXACTLY how you feel! I’m still carrying the extra 50lbs I gained with David and I was 20lbs overweight when I got pregnant. The only thing that seems to really work for me is exercise but I work til 5:30 right now and by the time I get home I’ve got 2 starving boys to feed (and myself for that matter) and then it’s pretty much time for bed. And thanks to this lovely sit down job I have I’m swelling like the good year blimp :(. It’s not easy and very discouraging. So I’ll unite gladly!

  2. Kendra says:

    Girl, I feel your pain. Aiden wil be 5 in a few days and I still have 20 pounds to lose. I gained 44 with him! I thought I was going to be “one of those” girls who lost it as soon as he came out since I was always so skinny (without ever trying) before but… nope. Talk about a huge dose of reality. I left the hospital 7 pounds lighter than I came in.. and he was 6 pounds 13oz. Womp womp.

  3. Ashley Eason says:

    Me as well! I had to go buy new work wardrobe because nothing I have even comes close to fitting me! Just so my bootay can swell even more while sitting on it all day at this desk!! 🙂

  4. nicole says:

    LOVE IT! Exactly my thoughts put to words. lol. You always make me laugh. My only question is do the control top undies really work or do they leave a line. Every sliming things I have seen leaves a line or rolls down my tummy once I start moving. I’d rather just be a big miss then a rolley mess. Next question, more a statement, tell me more about spanx!

    I’m sorry I don’t have anything supportive to tell you. I mean, I have my cute preprego photos and then there is the ME now. The only thing I can tell you, is I’m 100% positive your husband thinks you are beautiful JUST as you ARE NOW! That is what I have had to beat into my brain. Without that, I would be in a ball in the floor rocking and crying. lol.

  5. April Walker says:

    Great article, thanks for linking it.

  6. Well at least you are working out post-baby! Good for you. But now I’m depressed…

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