September 13, 2012 by Heather
I am fiercely protective.
When I was pregnant, I read this quote by Agatha Christie in a magazine:
“A mother’s love for her child is like nothing else in the world.
It knows no law, no pity. It dares all things and crushes down
remorselessly all that stands in its path.”
When I first read it I thought, wow, that lady is scary. But she is one thousand percent right. Remember the bug story? That was one of the first moments where I truly felt like, “Ok, mess with my child and I will kill you.” It now happens daily with mosquitoes. And while it is just a tiny annoying insect, I genuinely get angry at it for even thinking it could so much as land on Parker’s leg. I would punch a person in the face or throw myself in front of a double decker bus for the kid. As it turns out, there are no heights or depths I will not go to in order to make sure he is safe and happy and healthy.
I am able to fully function on an incredibly low amount of sleep.
Well, fully function might be a bit of a stretch. It’s more like make it through the day. Which might not sound all that impressive, but trust me, it is.
I no longer think judgmental thoughts when I see a mom looking like crap at the grocery store.
I used to think, come on girl, pull yourself together. Now? Now I think, wow, she is at the store with those two kids? AND she has on pants? That lady could rule the world.
I can do anything I set my mind to.
Case in point: BREASTFEEDING. I remember vividly all the times during those first couple of months when I wanted to quit so bad. Those around me would have understood if I had stopped doing it. But I made it – I persevered. I absolutely love breastfeeding. I can’t even believe I just typed those words. If you are a new mom and you are struggling with nursing, please email me and let’s talk.
I shave my legs more.
I know, it seems like it should be the opposite. But I’ve found that being at home all day causes me to notice things like that more and also become really annoyed by them. So I am very diligent about shaving and keeping my fingernails cut and filed.
I see my own mother in a whole new way.
Sometimes she’ll say something like, “You are just getting payback for how you were as a baby!” And I can see her as a young mom, holding her tiny firstborn and thinking I’d never grow up. I am so thankful for everything she ever did for me.
I think of the world as a scarier place now.
I read things or see stuff on the news and it all just seems so much bigger and scarier now that I’ve brought this little person into it. I also now understand why people decide to home school their children. Before I had a baby I thought it was sort of weird, but now I get it.
My brain is in constant overdrive.
I thought it was before I had a baby – psh. That was nothing compared to how it is now. There is always way too much going on in my head. I know that every mom in the whole world can relate.
I crave romance in my marriage.
I have always been the type of girl who appreciates romantic gestures (flowers, love notes, etc.), but now it is almost something I need rather than want. I don’t know if it’s because I stay at home all day and feel like a loser sometimes, or if it’s because I worry that Andrew isn’t as crazy about me like he used to be since I have a weird body now and my hormones are on crack & my attention is not all on him….. I don’t know. But for whatever reason, this girl needs some good old fashioned romance.
I pray more.
A few weeks ago I started praying by Parker’s bed every night. After I brush my teeth and all that night time stuff, I go in his room to check on him one last time before I go to bed. I sit down, indian style, next to his crib and press my face against the wooden slats so my face is level with his. I watch him sleep, listen to his soft breath, watch the rise and fall of his little chest. Then I pray. I thank God for giving me enough love an energy to make it through the day. I thank Him for Parker, and I pray for his health and for his future. I usually pray that he’ll sleep the whole night. I ask God to bless mine & Andrew’s marriage and to help me love him to the fullest in all the ways he needs it most. I pray for our families and for our friends. And sometimes, if it’s been a frustrating day or my brain is too full to put together a coherent prayer, I just sit there and cry softly. It sounds sort of lame, but it is cleansing, really. Then I kiss my little fella, breathing in the smell of his sweet head, and I go to bed.
It’s a job I wasn’t sure I was cut out for, but I absolutely love it.