July 10, 2014 by Heather
Oh geez, it’s been over a month since I wrote a post.
Of course, like most months, I began June with the belief in my own ability to Do It All. I started grad school with a summer class that I was kind of talked into taking… I knew it would be intense and fast and a lot, but a certain few around me were convinced it was a great idea. And maybe it was. I read a heck of a lot, wrote a heck of a lot, talked about all of it a heck of a lot, and finished with an A. It was somewhat of a crash course in going-back-to-school, really. I came out feeling capable, challenged, and a wee bit more intelligent. I also felt exhausted, spent, and like I’d completely dropped the ball in the realm of housewifery and motherhood. Andrew was a champion of a father/husband during all of it, but even he was glad when my class was over. He folded a lot of laundry, cooked a lot of dinners, and had loooots of Parker time. Turns out, I can’t do it all. Like, majorly cannot do it all. I am at my best when I only have like 2.7 things to do, so add 386 things to it and NOPE. Definitely not taking a class this summer term. In the fall I will take another class. I need to catch up on laundry and aim to keep the kitchen clean for more than 5 minutes first. It’s funny – one of the papers I wrote in my class was about domesticity and women’s rights during the 1800’s, and right now all I want to do is clean house and take care of my family. What would Margaret Fuller say.
Parker is growing and changing and wearing me out at warp speed. Good gracious he is the sweetest, funniest little dude… but wow. It’s just a lot sometimes. This stage he is in is absolutely fascinating to watch. I feel so lucky to play a part in it and witness his little (big) developments every step of the way. I went back on anxiety medication when he was 6 months old (went off 6 months later), but daaaang. I’m not sure medication could touch this stuff. For me, it’s about letting go of perfectionism and control. If I cling to either of those too tightly it all goes down the drain. It’s a daily battle to chill out and enjoy my wild child and all his wonderful, wacky ways. He has his father’s brains (thank God) and my sense of humor. I literally want to inhale him – just breathe him in and pray that my memory will somehow store it all in a sparkly box so I have it forever. He’s a mess though. A MESS. As in, he will grab a fistful of cat litter out of the litter box and sprinkle it all over the laundry room. These things are not ok. They just aren’t.
Remember when summer meant doing absolutely nothing? Me neither. But it sure must have been nice. I’m not complaining – it’s all good stuff. GREAT stuff, even. There’s just a lot of it, you know? People wonder why time flies so fast.. I think it’s because we pile way too dang much on our plates. We have so much on our plate right now I think we should switch to a serving platter or something. Or maybe one of those giant cafeteria-size casserole dishes. Or maybe Heather will just take the plate and dump the whole thing into the garbage. Stick it to the busy man. We do it to ourselves. But life is oh so good.
I’ve got a weird hair on my chin that needs plucked. Happy Thursday.