September 9, 2014 by Heather
In an effort to assert control over social media, I’ve been combing through different outlets (Facebook, Instagram) and removing a whole lot of unwanted influences on my life. I don’t know about you, but sometimes it feels like social media is the one doing the controlling — like I feel obligated to check this or that or as if keeping up with someone else’s business is an overly important part of my day (and theirs). It feels almost required to be up to date on the latest news in so-and-so’s life or that I see her #workoutselfie for the fourth time that week. News(feed) Flash: It’s not required, and I’m tired of seeing your sweaty face.
It has also become very apparent that I used to “friend” EVERYONE, and I mean everyone. An ex-boyfriend’s cousin’s roommate who I met once for five minutes at a football game, the really popular girl in my film class 9 years ago at a former college who I thought was sooo cool so I friended her to further stalk her coolness, when all it really did was make me feel like crap. Lots of high school “friends” who I would turn my cart in the opposite direction of if I caught a glimpse of them at WalMart. Former co-workers who I didn’t really like when we worked together and I really really still don’t like.
Why would I want to see what these people are up to? And, more importantly, why in the world would I want them seeing what I’m up to and viewing photos of my child and our life? It’s not their business. So I made it my business to keep it that way.
The 8 People You Should Definitely Unfriend on Facebook
1. Anyone you ever had any sort of romantic feelings for and anyone related to them. Did I used to smooch your brother after ballgames in high school? Then I don’t want to see your status updates about whatever it is he’s done that you’re proud of. Did we used to get our flirt on during Old Testament? Deleted. I am happily, happily married and I don’t need those kinds of annoying distractions. I do understand that sometimes with more serious relationships you become attached to family members as well and want to remain connected. I’m telling you, let it go. They will understand.
2. Anyone you’ve seen in public recently and purposely gone out of your way to avoid having to speak to them. Hannah & I had a sister-date recently and saw a couple of girls we used to attend church with. We’d even spent a week at the beach with them years ago. Anyways, we were at Old Navy and they looked at us and we looked at them and it was so awkward. Finally it was unavoidable (we all like the v-neck section) and we had to say a very strange “hi, how are you.” Just… awkward. What makes situations like that even more awkward is knowing what is going on in their life from Facebook. I would rather not have a clue and be able to say “Hey! What are you up to now?” without feeling like I should already know because we’re Facebook friends. It’s such baloney.
3. The people who post way too many pictures of themselves. I do not care what your #ootd is, especially when you are making that face. I also do not care that you just worked out and are finally seeing some results on your arm muscle definition. What makes me care even less is the fact that you were mean to me in high school. Buh bye.
4. The people who post way too many pictures of their kids. There, I said it. Hear me out. I know — I post photos of Parker. But it’s not multiple times a day or even everyday. I try to be selective of the ones I share. And if we are true, real-life friends, bring on the pictures because I love you and I love your offspring. But if we are mere acquaintances, it’s just not something I’m interested in. What gets me are captions like this: “Sorry for clogging up your feed with pictures from Blah Blah’s dance recital but it’s for family to see.” Here’s an idea: Email. Email the pictures. Better yet, print them out and put them in the mail. The family would love that even more, I promise.
5. The Complainers. The Debbie Downers. The Whiners. I don’t want to read about how awful every single thing is in your life. I’m so sorry that’s the case and I truly hope it gets better, but I just am not interested in knowing that much negative information day in and day out. I realize I could block you (as I could most of these people), but it’s just not enough.
6. The people who are always trying to sell me something. I have lots of truly good friends on Facebook who do Jamberry, Mary Kay, Scentsy, That Weird Mascara Stuff, Noonday, etc. And honestly, they are all such good friends that I would never delete them or even block them. I’ve bought and enjoyed their products. But if it was someone who I don’t really care much for but you were always inviting me to your online such-and-such party, I’m sorry. For this reason I also left many groups. It was just becoming too much.
7. The people who live for Farmville and/or Candy Crush. Dude, stop with the invites. Or wait, allow me to stop them. Much better.
8. Anyone else who is just plain annoying or a negative influence. I repeat: it’s not required (or even enjoyable) for me to know what the girl in my ninth grade English class who now lives in Florida is doing at her family reunion.
Go forth and unfriend. Heck, unfriend me if I fit any of these categories for you. No hard feelings. It will feel rude at first but then it becomes good, clean fun. I promise.