February 25, 2015 by Heather
Earlier today, for the second time in less than a week, a button popped off the coat I was wearing. It happened on a different coat the first time. I’m choosing to believe it is because my outerwear is well-worn and well-loved, and not due to my rapid expansion.
Also earlier today, Parker peed on the chair I spent three months reupholstering last year. I knew it would happen eventually — it’s his favorite chair and this underwear thing is still very new (and not very fun) — but it was frustrating nonetheless. I dabbed what I could with a rag and sprayed it down with rubbing alcohol. After a few minutes under a hair dryer it was good as new, and ready for the next inevitable accident.
Parker’s not napping. It’s been a trying day.
For whatever reason, God chose not to gift me with copious amounts of grace and patience, in fact I’m pretty sure I’m rolling through life on fumes in each department. For a long time it didn’t seem to matter that much — then boom, motherhood blew in like a bat out of, um, the West Indies, and I find myself needing (requiring) more patience and grace than it seems the whole world and heaven contain. And it’s so hard.
My grandma gave me this little laminated card a long time ago that had a short message typed on it — “For this, I have Jesus.” I don’t know where the card is, I wish I did, but for some reason this afternoon it popped into my mind and almost made me say “duh” out loud to myself. Because I forget so easily.
I’m overwhelmed. For this, I have Jesus.
Motherhood feels more like a burden than a blessing today. For this, I have Jesus.
I feel weary and worn out. For this, I have Jesus.
How in the HECK am I going to care for another baby. For this, I have Jesus.
The Dairy Queen I ate for lunch is making me gassy and bloated. For this, I have Jesus.
Ok I’m kidding on the last one. But for real, it struck me today how much I rely solely on myself, on my tiny speck of strength, to make it through the day. Good days and bad days. And it’s never enough. No wonder I feel like I’m battling through life the majority of the time — I’m trying to dig up enough patience, love, kindness, whatever, all on my own, by my own power. It’s exhausting. Of course it’s exhausting, because it’s impossible. What I muster on my own will never be enough, because it can’t be.
For this, I have Jesus.
“Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually!” 1 Chronicles 16:11
Please bow your head with me as our ushers come forward for the offertory.
HAPPY WEDNESDAY, someone please come clean my house.