White Knuckles

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December 14, 2015 by Heather

When you are a parent, people have lots to say to you about it.  Everyone is an expert, everyone did this or that a certain way, and everyone seems to know more than you do about taking care of your child.  This can be both frustrating and helpful, depending on the topic/setting.

I’ve recently narrowed down my list of Things I Don’t Want You to Say to Me About My Kids, and I’m pretty sure I have a winner:

Don’t blink!  They will be out of the house before you know it!  Boy they sure grow up fast.  Time flies, make sure you don’t miss it!  Seems like just yesterday my kids were that age.

These sentiments Stress. Me. Out. so much.  I know people mean well, and I’m sure when I am old and gray I will let my own version of it slip out in the grocery store check-out line, but goodness.  I had a full blown meltdown about it a few weeks ago… I laid in bed and sobbed because I felt like I was “missing it.”  And the funny part?  I’m here all day, every day, and I’m not missing anything!  I think I was feeling bad because it had been one of those tough days where all I wanted to do was shut myself in a room and not deal with anything.  Mom Guilt is the most intense of all the guilts.

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The cheesy quote is so true — the days are long but the years are short.  These past five months with Oliver feel like they’ve gone by in a blur, hence my previously mentioned meltdown.

And I struggle to be fully present some days.  It takes effort to parent with intention, to not lose focus and wish the days away.  Sometimes my head gets stuck in a cloud of anxiety and I have trouble seeing my blessings clearly.  So of course, when a well-meaning lady at Target tells me to hold my kids tight while I still can, those days where I’m a mental mess are the ones I immediately think of.  I’m screwing this whole thing up, and I’m missing it.  Satan and his lies (I almost typed Santa).

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I love for people to stop and talk to me about Parker and Oliver when we are out and about.  Parker usually says something hilarious, and the other person usually asks what happened to Oliver’s cheek.  I am 100% fine with both of these outcomes.  However, hearing how fast these days are going by does nothing to help, because trust me, I’m all too aware of the warp speed.  It literally takes my breath away.

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While I sobbed through my meltdown on that particular night, Andrew was A) confused, and B) completely right with his comment of “Time flies when you’re having fun, that’s why it feels like a blur, because it is all so good.”  I can’t be sure if he was just trying to get me to go the heck to sleep or not, but it made me feel better, and I like to think that there is truth to what he said.

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So, YES, these days are going by, because that’s what days do.  Time marches on at the same speed it’s always had.  But I’d like to leave some proof here for my future self.. for those days when I wonder if I loved them enough, if I paid attention enough, if I cherished their childhood enough:

Absolutely you did.  You did your very best, and there was always, always so much love and laughter.  No mothering stone was left unturned, of this you can be sure.  Now off you go, enjoy the peace and quiet.

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For your reading pleasure.. my favorite post on this subject.

Happy Monday!

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